Bliss is spelt with your name in it

Despite all these emotional torture and ongoing saga that my parents have perfected to stage,
I am feeling all calm now and in fact blissful.
Simply because I know you are here to walk this path with me together.

Thanks for simply the man in my life.
Thanks for tolerating all my bad temper.
Thanks for trying real hard to be sweet.
Thanks for always making me smile.
Thanks for bringing me out.
Thanks for making me special.
Thanks simply for just by my side and being a huge part of my life.
Thanks for loving me for goods and esp the bads.

You have been more than kind to learn to accept me for all the horrible me that I have always been.

I believe in LOVE

I believe in love.
I finally do.

I have to admit it wasnt easy for us to be together.
It wasnt the typical love tale where we had a honeymoon period when we first hit it off.
It definitely wasnt.
Our first path was filled with heartache n failure.
However, all these effort have finally paid off.
Now I feel like im on honeymoon with him.
We've settled down very much.

We started off with nothing.
No faith. No hope.
Now I have absolute faith in him that he is the one to give me happiness.
I guess that's hope in itself speaking for our future.

It is very encouraging how we have matured together.
It is very endearing how we have become stronger and more giving towards one another.
No doubt he has changed alot for me & vice versa.
I guess what we solidly have is communication.
It involves a listening ear and willingness to share.
Something we both embrace.

Through all these, we have learnt we aint exactly someone we can live with but definitely we cant live without each other.
We have grown to realize we meant alot to one another.
When this happens, you treasure one another more.
More determined to be together no matter what it takes.
Through all these, we find strength in one another and that we are not gonna give up on one another.

It may sound cliche when ppl says u know he is the one when u see it.
I vouch to it now.
I know he is THE ONE for me. I just know it.
Though everything seem wrong, but we just felt right.

We have more to overcome and we are definitely embracing it together.
It isnt gonna be easy trying to get approval from my parents.
But we are staying firm on our ground.
We are going to be together no matter what it may takes.

What's next for me?

Been really yeons ago since i last updated.
I've finally 'graduated' from operation side n I am moving on to management level.
I had my last day at my outlet yesterday.
I must say it was definitely not an easy route n I doubt anyone of my peers can withstand such grilling groundwork.
Amidst all these, I felt satisfied with my performance n it kinda built my confidence further to pursue much bigger n greater things in life
At least I can put all my achievement down black n white on paper.

My outlet's sales have been soaring high ever since I headed it.
I am proud of it! cos before that marina square sales was going down before i join.
Now I am giving them min constant sales which was not seen earlier.
& I did that with less n less resources everyday.
It wasnt easy for me to manage people who are way beyond my seniors too.
I have no prior experience & I am very young.
But Hey! To date, I have gained respect and I have dealt with all my staff.
It was very heartwarming to know staff who are initially not very open are not confiding in me.

With all these I have done touching in little way I can in my staff's working life and my regular customers alike,
finally I am promoted back to Headquarter.
Of cos I have a final exam. That was to have a 2 hour interview session with none other than the CEO, Douglas Foo the man.
It was grilling long hours! cos apparently the boss handpick all Business Development Manager.
Doing rotation now back in HQ. Hopefully im posted out of sg by end of yr if not earlier.
Its gonna be tiring but secretly im excited.

Well! at least im doing 9-5 job! Hopefully more weekend n time for my friends n my beau.
But its gonna be shitty reporting to work damn early!
I am never a 9-5 person.
Lets look at the bright side of the picture! I'll be getting my payrise as well.
Apparently, I made myself heard n i demand for them to match up my salary. Well! They did!
Should have asked for more if i know im gonna be selected by Douglas. Like at least 4K...hahaha

CHEERS to my next stage in my career!
Many apologies to those whom i have neglected the past few months!

am only glad u r back, it just felt right

In a flash 2007 has officially whipped past us without slightest hint.
2007 also spells the end to freedom that come with being just a plain university student who always have a choice of whether or not I feel like going to school or I feel like doing the work or just feel lk watching tv all day long.
2007 also means the start of working life and adulthood where life seems just complicated.

As you can see I didnt particularly fancy 2007. Specifically the second half of 2007.
That was also the time when all my good friends are gone and I am kinda just stuck with a person called bf.
Having a lot of free time also make me more sticky towards that particular bf who doesnt seem to have as much time as I do.
I am glad I managed to live past it.
(The only day that really made me felt good in end 2007 was when I met up with the trio for a short while.)

Today spelt one of the happiest day ever since my graduation last year.
My best friend, B2 is back!
Couldnt express more how happy I was.
Just spending the entire afternoon with him eating bah ku teh n having starbuck was just pure life pleasure.
Listening to all his europe stories was simply plesant making me reminisce my time in europe 2 years ago.
For awhile I felt like i have secretly escape from reality.

Thats why I like chilling out with good old friends.
They exude this nice warm sense of familiarity n security.
Just comfortable talking about all the random things.
Laughing off everything n just updating about one another's life.

I must say I really miss my friend very much.
& i am glad he is back.
Even though that means life is gonna be more exasperating and annoying, somehow it felt only right.

Looking forward to another happy day in 2008, 21 Jan where the love of my life will finally return to my side!

Siem Reap Cambodia

In case for those few who are worried about me missing in action.....
I am perfectly fine and alive AND MUCH HAPPIER...
As easily pleased and contented as I always am, I am just very pleased with my 3 days holidays in Siem Reap, Cambodia last week with significant someone.

Far from our expectation, Siem Reap is a small city yet extremely clean from the sterotypical image of third world country.
Except the dusty road which I still like it very much.
Nice chilling town. The weather was extremely nice. Between 24degree to 15 degree.
It wasnt a nice surprise though since I only brought all my 3/4 pants and only one jacket to wear on the plane as I was expecting super hot scorching sun.

I like the slow pace of this city. We saw more tourists than locals and there were hardly much crowds around in the city center except the famous Angkor Wat. I like how it is not so commercialized even though sadly the entire city is encore on tourism. Vast difference from the neighbouring countries, these cambodians dont understand the theory behind making business unlike the cunning Chinese. When a few kids followed you to sell you any merchandise and you politely say no, they just walked away with diginity. They would not pester you.

The only thing I dislike is the way they openly asked for tips. Not rude but come as unexpected from our part. Tips are meant to be given on our own accord when a customer is pleased with your service. It is not something you asked openly. Nonetheless understanding their culture where their day to day survival depends on tips, they just have to take a bet.

We spent 2 whole days in Angkor Wat vicinity. Life is great. I love the tuk tuk ride. I love exploring around the anicent architecture and the ruins. If Rome and Anthen are praised for their enchanting beauty than Angkor Wat's magnificent presence should be much more magnified. It was indeed breathtaking though somewhat disappointing cos it is just a hollow architecture as much of its inner content would have been removed from its premises to prevent looting. Nonetheless, I enjoyed every single moment spent there though I am sitting down 70% of the journey cos I have really bad stamina.

We spent a great deal of money there. But it was way worth it. Hotel was excellent with a nice pool view and 2 huge beds as well as great location! I was spoilt and pampered greatly when he brought me to dine in this elegantly posh restaurant that really blow our budget away. In the first place, he didnt really set any budget cos he really wanna pamper me since it is our holidays. We spent US$100 over at the restaurant for 2 solid meals. I swear it was the best fusion food I ever had. For someone who never believe in fusion food, this restaurant named FCC makes my knee weaks with their delicacy. The chef really understands the wonder of both the western taste and asian flavour that fuse so wonderfully together. It was an amazing art of dishses. Even though one hearty great meal costs about US$15 in Siem Reap, this was way worth it in comparison to the kind of meal we get in S'pore. Even if we are willing to pay such amount, we could never have savour such heavenly taste.

The first dish to die for was the succulently crispy and yet juicy pork belly with scallop in a mixture of sweet sour thai salad alike. The scallop is the miniature abalone type than the white plain tasteless ones. Next dish was clams in coconut cream was a taste buding ticklingly appetizing. Followed by to die for confit of duck with poached pear. The best duck leg dish I ever eaten was in Barcelona and I was always yearning for it. It really makes me reminise my time in Spain. But boy! This dish really melt my heart and I would pay the airfare and the hotel accommodation just to fly all the way to eat that duck leg. While he is extremely delighted with his favourite Lamb chop. We were so pleased. For desserts, though they were not as creative, it still wrapped up the meal so nicely. That is FCC! I am in the midst of contacting the director or the chef to jointly open a restaurant in Singapore so all my loved one could enjoy the same good taste.

Our last night restuarant was another romantic hangout. The decor was in simple red and white with a tinge of asian woody essence and modern zen yet carrying a flavour of european romance. We had a traditional Khmer food in the best setting. I must say we were extremely lucky to chance upon such nice restaurants. It was way beyond what we could ever ask for in this trip.

Thinking back on the trip, it still makes me feel so dreamy and elated. I am just in the mood for holidays. But for now I have to work hard to earn more money so I can go more trips like this. He has been extremely lovely and tolerant. I am amazed how someone could tolerate my nonsense. I could be pretty annoying most of the time when he is absorbing the best of the scenery, I could be sitting down in one corner, pulling a long face, sulking and whinning cos I was tired. I was really a big attention seeking baby. (I really find all my friends amazing for how they have withstand my annoying stances all these years). He was extremely patient and never once raise his voice. He also let me do whatever I want like let me go for massage, buy me gifts I pointed and claimed I need to buy, having a meal for more than 2 hours cos i claimed I am tired to chew my food, drinking coconut juices only at stalls with exhorbitant prices in Angkor Wat cos I just feel like it. In short, he just let me have my way and just pay for everything at the back. It was amazing how he supported me even though I was real bitchy most of the time. Incredulous!

It was a nice and happy moment watching sunset on top of the stupa. Chilling out looking over the entire greenery of Siem Reap and chatting over our past and sharing stories. The fun and bumpy tuk tuk rides. The slow and romantic dinners. All were nice and it was definitely more than I ask for. Somehow the trip makes me feel as though our bond has strengthen and I am starting to have faith in him and in us.

Thanks for loving me this much and keeping me real happy. ;)

P.S Check out the photos on facebook!

Parents are getting out of hand these days

My self-denying dad still thinks he is damn smart.
He is up to no good I am very sure.

He suddenly comes up with this new rule that all are to attend his birthday celebration this year.
If he wants ALL attendance I dont really understand why the attention on ME.
That portrays loophole.

I know he is using this as an excuse to force me to go back to meet that daRn bald 33 years man with a belly.
Disgusting thought!
To think my parents are resorting to such underhand method. Lowly!

My mom has been advertising & advertising.
How can u guaranteed someone's upright and doting on gf character just on A very superficial encounter.
& I cant believe they are pushing for him when his dad is an arrogant bastard.
Typical chinese old man who thinks he is the richest man on earth so he doesnt have to give a shit about anyone.

I am extremely ashamed of my parents desperation.
I am also disappointed in them for having so no faith that I can find a man on my own ability.
Ok! Maybe they are entitled to their worries since I aint proving much in these aspect.

Whatever!

Money aint everything? I doubt it

A close of friend of mine exclaimed that I am materialistic.
Maybe I have become more pragmatic these days.

Entering into the adult world has further irk on my already cynical mindset.

Money has never been a serious issue for me.
Worse come to worse was how to laid my hand on my favourite handbag or which handbag.
Somehow recently thoughts of being self-sustainable financially hit me real hard.

Thats when it dawn on me that I need a job that is well paid.
Ok! Maybe the financial sector that draw above 3K still doesnt appeal to me.
So I shall said fairly paid, not like the daRn Apex Pal which is underpaying me. BASKET!
I cant even afford my own set of daRn skin care products! Argh!

Beside the point, I realize that I cant possibly rely on my dad forever.
Given my pride and arrogance, it is hard to swallow for me to ask for my dad for money.
Then I realize I have graduated and grown up enough to support myself.
In fact, I have to start supporting myself.
My dad probably retires in 7 years.
By that time my bro barely finishing A Level.

Even if im not considering the fact that I have to be responsible for my siblings and my parents.
There will come a time when I have to settle down and start a family.
YES! I will get married! If not I still want my own children.
So all these mean money.
Of course ideal senario will be if I hitch on a handsome rich husband who dotes on me very much.
Then nothing to worry about.
Often love is blind. Whatever the case is, it is not about the money but the person involved that I am in love with.

I have to contribute somehow to the family planning.
House, car, bills, my fine dining expenses etc
Even if all these have been covered by my husband, I still need to be independent financially to finance my own shopping spree. The freedom to shop without having to look at anyone's face colour.
All these spells MONEY MONEY MONEY

Born with no notion of savings, I am really stuck in this cycle.
and the thought of future just scare me.
It adds on to the forbia of why I have extreme reaction to marriage or commitment. Geez!
Bottom line, as you grow old, you just start to become real materialistic, esp in sg.
Everything spells MONEY.
Now, it finally dawn on me that I need a high paying job.

PS. B2! Stop recommending me to pimp myself. BASKET!

Life is getting draggy nowadays. Even though routine life ensures security, but it does breed boredom.
Life aint exciting at all nor much to look forward to except the end of a work day.

I am in the mood for holidays now and have no desire to work or whatsoever.

Even though I will be flying off to Siem Reap for a short break on 29 Nov, I am not really looking forward to it.
The anxiety and excitment have somehow been overwhelmed by the fear that it might not be a pleasant trip.

Reflecting back, I realize I have very min level of trust in others.
Maybe it is connected to the notion that I know I am independent enough to settle anything on my own.
Ended up, giving others no chance to do things their way but instead insist on my own way.
When people dont take what I say seriously, I get real irritated and exasperated trying to tell them what to do.
That's me. Demanding and unreasonable. Always thinking im right.

Hard to rely on him when he doesnt seem to lift much effort to plan for OUR holidays.
Even though I hate planning for things, I dont wanna screw it up either.
So ended up, reluctantly I start planning cos it is my only holidays of the year.
I know you hate to plan too. But I guess sometimes you just have to give and take and show some effort you care.
Without such hints and actions, it is hard to convince myself of your love for me.

I really love holidays.
I have promised myself to work hard to earn more money and go for more holidays in years to come.

Best friends are forever - Truth indeed

Woke up this morning, feeling real grouchy.

I just felt real lonely.
Suddenly I am overwhelmed with the massive feel of being alone on my own where all my good friends are overseas.
It dawn on me that I am really missing my 2 best friends Jacey Gray and B2.
I miss them so much, I think I am going crazy.
I am kinda breaking down slowly.
Even though I have portrayed such independence, i came to realization how much emotionally attached I am to my friends.
People I really cant live without.

There was just one night where things didnt really go alright with me & him.
Came home and went online to find B2 who came on msn to say hi.
That instant I miss him so much and somehow the thoughts of knowing there is someone whom I can always count on bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes moral support really is just the presence.
Like how he is somehow always there when I need someone to turn to.

For example, today news! I very much wish I could confide in him.
I would very much wish I could seek comfort in him.
Yet he is too sick to talk to me.
Somehow we always have such hit and misses.
I am not disappointed but rather getting used to.
Guess to start with I wasnt expecting him to be there always to listen to me or give me reassurance whenever I need it.

Rather it has always been my best friend who is around.
It was rather heartwarming to see B2 online the moment I came home.
I rattle on n on about my work.
Though he never help make me feel better, his presence jus make me more settled.
I guess such come with a strong bond between old friends and I am real blessed to have that.

I am glad I always know that good old friends are the one whom u can count on ultimately in your life that grows old with you.
For now I just miss my 2 best friends so so much, I wish I could just give them a long tight hug without saying a word when I first see them when they return home. I think I might cry. cos just the thought of it bring warmth to my eyes.

The First Step

The time has come for me to make my move.
I was just been told this afternoon that I am being transferred out to an outlet from tomorrow onwards which I have to take charge from now on. Well! Many would be happy to hear such news. In simple terms, it is sorta promotion and something all managers work towards with. To have an outlet on their own when they can be the boss. In term of responsiblity, it is a high new level.

Nonetheless, I just dont feel good about it. In fact very heavy hearted when I should be making merry and celebrating instead. I have to admit, the progress has been real fast but im not complaining cos finally i have to take on some real challenge. Yet ironically as much as I am looking forward to this day, I feel apprehensive about it. Probably, I dont really like the outlet I am being in charge of. Been there once. I dont like the layout to start with. I dont really agree the way they do things there and best of all, I dont particularly think their working attitude and culture is great.

Finally time for me to prove my ability and yet it is crazy cos the outlet has been functioning on its own with some great seniors working at that outlet. The staff there has at least been with the company for some 3years to 5 years. So me being a newbie with the company for less than 3months with no prior work experience to this, it is kinda very challenging to manage them and improve things for the better. Yet if i just absorb into their culture and not make any changes then I am not proving my worth nor contributing to the outlet which I am supposed to be there for. Gonna be real crazy challenge and I am kinda stressed over it.

Background on the outlet. It is kinda like a lost child operating on its own world and culture. Probably explains why management decided they need a makeover and someone outside gotta do it. It is the only outlet which is not under an area mgr and report directly to Operation Director. Thats also good cos that means i would have more easy access to the director. Nonetheless, I really HATE the fucker in charge now cos he is so fucking cocky when he is so blardy short and anal. Noone really like him. (God has been fair. His shortie probably make up for he being so anal.) But apparently, he has resigned and will be leaving next week. Thats good news! I cant imagine working with such asshole.

At the back of all the good news, one cant help feel emotional. I just adapted to my old outlets, get along real well with my colleagues and getting real happy working and they have to throw me into an open cold water. BIG SIGH! I am so missing the people at my outlet already. They have been real sweet and nice to me. I know I have people to support me at the back to correct my mistake when i screw things up. There is people to take my shit and teach me the rope. Basically, even people to cheer me up when I am frowning up whipping up some fantastic food or even buying me drinks. I love people who dote on me and treat me like princess. I was a jewel in my old outlet. Now I am gonna turn into a total bitch in the new outlet.

Kaoz! I have to quit acting innocence and take real responsiblity when things screw up which happen all the time. SIGH SIGH SIGH...

Heart Talk

I must have been real silly to embark on a journey that has no faith to start with.
Though it has been a short journey, instead of gaining faith
I have altogether lost hope along the way.

In a relationship that has no faith and hope to speak of
I wonder what our future holds.
What is left of a relationship where faith and hope have been lost?
The only element that is left of - LOVE.

And yet I am always questioning your love.
Cos to you love has always been about telling and telling.
There was hardly any action.
Not even a tinge of trying could be seen hidding.

You claim you have a weary heart.
How about mine?
What could you offer that make me wanna hold on to this relationship anymore?

Post 25 years reflection

It is true that happiness is all about how you look at it.

Despite a day I wasn't really looking forward to, there past a mark that increases a year to my life journey on this earth.
Though it was just like any other year with no special celebration, nonetheless there are alot of unexpected blessings.

It was disappointing that I gotta work full shift on my birthday.
However I was moved almost to tears when they celebrated my birthday with a cake and a cake.
It was really heartwarming and a real pleasant surprise when all the staff gathered to sing me birthday song in the outlet in front of the customers. Embarrasing but very sweet gesture.

It was disappointing that many forgot all about me. THE STUPID TRIOs, Kaileng, Huishan and even the STUPID B2!!
However I was really touched I had many international wishes.
Patty from italy called. A call I missed.
Mama from States called.
Of cos THE LOVE OF MY LIFE remembered me!
My LTB girl who is on States exchange msg me.
A few others whom I didnt expect wish me.

It was disappointing too cos my 2007 wishes didn't come true.
None cook me any meal.
I didnt wake up to a perfect breakfast by the beach.
There was no home made, self-cooked cookies, cakes or brownies.
Something I yearn for - a homely celebration!
However, I took solace in the fact that YOU have the thoughts to cook me breakfast but due to unforeseen circumstances, it was not realized.
Nonetheless I am glad at least it was planned. Thanks sweetie!
I felt real pampered when u fetch me from work and go out of your way to buy me late dinner.
At least I felt like a real princess for awhile on my birthday.
You really made my day!

It was disappointing that I didnt even get to reach him on my birthday.
Not even on his hp cos we just have hit and misses.
By the time we have the time to talk, he was exhausted from his long day.
Nonetheless, it was very sweet of him to come by early in the morning to pass me a VASE of calia lilies and a nice handmade poster.

This is how I count my blessing amidst all these disappointment.
Cos life doesnt revolve around me and things will never always go the way you wish to be.

Thanks all for your well wishes.
To those who make effort to remember and wish me, I really appreciate it.
To those who completely forgot about my existence, please go ahead and reflect!! BAH!

Not another one!!

I have a feeling that this guy called chris from my outlet is seriously sneaky.
He has been sending me sms greetings. Those silly forwarded msg.
For example, today at work, things aint running smoothly and I got so pissed off it was written all over my face.
He was came around to have his fingerprint registered since my outlet gonna be biometric. (Whatever that is)
Then he saw me so stressed, he tried to talk to me a few time which obviously I will ignore cos Im so blardy pissed.
Then he came to help me whenever. So apparently he knows im not in a good mood so he sent me some funny msg to cheer me up. Something is seriously amiss.

I maybe thinking too much. Aha!

Then there was this day a few of us went for KTV which was his birthday after work.
At a traffic junction, I almost cross the road when there was a bike coming.
Obviously I saw it. DUH!
Then he was so frightened that I will run over by it that he tried to grab my hand.
It was a sweet gesture but alittle too extreme.
My other colleagues saw what happened and they were happily making fun of us.

These are just some example of his sneaky behaviour.
Strange weirdo!

hmmm........... Seriously, I dont wanna get involved with anyone.
I believe what goes around comes around.
Enough of breaking hearts!
If not Pukey will rattle on n on about a trail of broken hearts...WTH! As if i did it on purpose!

Since when do I start looking like an air-stewardess or flight attendant? Whatever you call it!!
People have been asking me strange questions and making funny remarks.
First it was looking like a japanese in Europe.
Then it was looking like koreans.
Now I am a flight attendant.
What a confusing heritage and image I have.

I am perturbed by it.

I felt like waking up to a nice warm breakfast by the sea...

SOH ENG JIA JEREMY!!!
YOU ARE BEING MISSED!!
SO GIVE ME A CALL SOON!
I AM FACING SOME LIFETHREATENING DILEMMA & I NEED YOUR EDIOTIC PERSPECTIVE!
IT IS SUFFOCATING NOT HAVING SOMEONE TO VENT MY FRASTRATION ON!
AHH!! THATS WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOOD FOR...hehehe

CALL ME SOON!

Thanks puree for ur regular visit to my site for update. Nonetheless I am ashamed that I haven been updating. To be frank, working life has robbed me of all my time, I dont even have time to really rest. I barely even have the luxury to come online to check my email let alone blog. Sad case huh?! I hate it that I dont have life. I need to spend time with my family.

Anyhow, quick update. Life has been hectic. At work, my progress has been stagnant and it becomes blurry of what my future path will be. Taking 3 weeks to learn the same thing is simply a waste of my time. I am much better at that. The paper work is like child play and they are making a mountain out of a molehill. Just cos they take along time to grasp all these doesnt mean the same for me. I have a high intellectual capacity for this cos I am trained to do things that way. HELLO!!! Just labour costing...how tough can it get?!!! Wasting my time. Now they need 1 month to teach me on payroll....CRAP!! Then when can i be transferred back to HQ...Kinda feeling shortchanged. I am going to talk to my boss and probably that HR woman who hired me. Gonna demand a proper explanation. I am not going to sit and wait for things to happen.

One more update! I got my PR finally!! Big thing for me. Finally, I can start travelling again and not being on hold with just bloody one stamp on my passport which forbid me to leave the daRn country. Probably need to go get my card soon.

Third. Yes! My hometown is in a big mess now. My parents are safe but its hard to say anything for sure. So I gotta call my parents everyday to check on their safety. It is very worrying and I cant rest my mind at ease. My dad has too much a fixed assets there and its worrying if there is a big mess during the transition if there is ever a change. Noentheless I really wish all those that has passed away during this demostration die for a cause. That cause has to be fought hard by all the countrymen with one heart.

Forth, I have decided to accept my mom's offer to SERIOUSLY consider this blardy 33 years bald man with beer belly and stained teeth. So I am going to meet him for a meal if he wants to come over sg to see me. I have to start somewhere somehow. But my mind is pretty set on rejecting him. I am just going to be gracious about it and not reject him profusely just in case my parents forced me into marriage. So I am going to handle this like an adult.

Finally, I have met his family and had dinner with them. His family is lovely. It is nice being around them cos they are so loving. They seem to welcome me and I felt the warmth. However, I am not sure if they really geniunely like me cos they love their son so much, they will accept whoever he brings home. His mom is already hinting to the both of us about marriage. Kinda funny. We are doing fine but it is hard to find time to spend quality time with him alone cos I have my work and my family. Even though there are still alot of issues we have yet to iron out, I feel that he is not ready to face them together with me. As much as I feel unsettled about all those, I am giving him all the time he needs to learn to adapt and change. Most likely not very soon cos he claims he is very lazy to go think through all these for me. Yah!! I feel the love huh?!!

Sometimes I wonder what kind of value to attach to those words he will say to me. But I am giving him time to realize and just waiting patiently. Sometimes I doubt whether if he ever spare a thought for me and my feelings. Like how he happily place his happy moments photoSSS with him and his ex on his facebook which some of my friends have access to and been happily questioning me about it. I wonder if he knows the kind of difficult situation i will face to answer to these people who are concerned about my welfare. I sound like a total fool and ediot to all my friends cos I am making sure he doesnt look bad. I mean I really dont mind all these. If he is meant to stray, he can go ahead cos he knows I never tie him down. But me not minding doesnt mean he could do everything he pleases. I feel all these speak volume. I need a very thoughtful guy to be my man. Someone who is 細心 and ti tie, who spare a thought for me in everything. That means he places me before himself, aint it? I mean if he really loves me, he would have thought of how difficult it would be for me to explain to my friends and if he loves me enough, he wouldnt want to put me through all these. Am I asking too much? When I am not even making noise and jealous or demanding explanation about his ex. Eh! They still meet up and I am cool about it. How much more could I be generous? He asked her out to accompany him to a show when he didnt even ask me cos I was working. Then he ate dinner with her and sent her home. He couldnt pick up my call when I called after work cos he was sending her home. I didnt even make noise that he didnt even pick me up from my work. What more can I do? Now I sound like a total ediot huh?

But I really dont mind. That's his freedom! Noone knows anyway. But placing such intimate photos on facebook when some of the common friends have access to make things alittle tough esp when people start questioning about how serious he is about me. Hmm......those questions I have no answer to when I am under attack. Yes yes yes! I know it is about the 2 of us but i feel that he doesnt have to make me look bad either when I am always trying to protect his integrity. In addition, his words are hurting when he refused to talk about all these just cos he doesnt want to be bothered with it. I know he is stressed with his own work so I kinda gather from there where I really stand in his life. I am now learning to just settle for where he placed me. Do you know that he doesnt want people that know both of us to know about us? WHY? He explained he is uncomfortable. A reason I couldnt fathom. Not that I need our relationship to be known to all but just that I couldnt understand his reason. To me, it reads like he is ashamed to face some facts that could never be changed. In short, he is ashamed of me. That is how it comes across to me.

Other than all these, we are fairly good cos we dont quarell. Even when I am pissed with him, I will tell him nicely that I am pissed and that we should talk another day and he also wont do anything about it but just wait until I cool down then talk to me again. Yah!!! You guys feel the love? Frankly speaking, you will ask me what I am doing with him. I finally understood what it meant by love is blind. I know he aint a perfect human being and I am accepting all of his shortcoming from my expectation of a perfect boyfriend. I mean he never complains anything about me except that I am not spending time with him, why do I impose so much expectation on him right?

Guess I am still learning to cope with life lesson #1 "Managing expectation". Dont mistake me! We have awesome time laughing at one another for all the silliest things we do whever we see each other. It is fun to have him around la cos he is so nice to make fun of.

Hmmm...........Thats about it, my work, my family and my love life.

I have to drop this damn bomb!

My parents have officially matchmade me to this disgusting looking, hair-receeding, belly protruding with grossly stained teeth middle age man to me. I felt so disgustingly embarrassed for that guy to have the cheek to even send me his god damn ugly gross photo after looking at mine. I dont know what's fucking wrong with his god damn old mind to even think he is compatible to me in anyway.

Feel free to think I am a bimbo or superficial. It concerns my god damn future and I am that shallow. I cant imagine facing such an ugly person in my life. If he is already looking this gross at the age of 33, I cant imagine how bad it can get when he grows older. EEEKS! I dont even wanna think about it.

Mind you! He is so fucking old. 8 blardy years! So what he is capable and able to provide for me. I dont think I have a problem feeding myself and I dont need a fucking husband to support me. I also dont think that in any blardy way I am less competent than any god damn guy. To think that they have the cheek to tell me that they need a fucking daughter-in-law to run their empire of shopping mall complex. HELLO?! Why dont they just hire a fucking manager? Think you can get free labour? What kind of fucked up reason is that.

I feel ashamed for him that he has the cheek to tell my mom that he has seen so many girl's photo but he was never interested in any until he sees my photo. WTF!! Am i suppossed to feel honoured and flattered? FUCK FACE MAN!! I dont need any guy's interest in me to boast my confidence nor i dont need reassurance from such fugly. How fucked up it is.

To think that my mom actually has the cheek to send me such disgusting looking man's photo to tell me to consider. That is even more disgusting. & all because they have asked fortune teller who said I will confirm marry him and that he will make a god damn good husband? I wanna laugh! Believe a cock fortune teller who has been telling my mom I have a bf since 7 years ago? WHATEVER!!!!!!

I am so blardy annoyed...so damn pissed. So pissed I get so sick. I seriously dont believe nor respect my parents anymore. They are not living on their words. I respected my dad so much cos he used to teach me that I dont have to marry a rich man but must be a hardworking man. Now they choose this fugly cos his family background can match ours? FUCK FACE! I dont think he looks any smarter to maintain or grow wealth of his family when he looks like some cheena piang. A chinese construction worker is what he ressemble. Totally gross out!

Seriously, I am not angry with the fact that they matchmake me. I am willing to consider so long as he is decent looking. I mean so what if this fugly is a graduate from taiwan or america. Probably some insignificant course he attends in some ulu part of US. I am not impressed at all. Maybe he can cheat my stupid parents who think they are damn smart but not me.

GUESS WHAT?! They expect me to return to mym just so he can take a look at me. HELLO?! YOU ARE THE ONE INTERESTED IN ME, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. WHY SHOULD I ACCOMMODATE YOU THE FUGLY. NO WAY!!!! To think that he got the cheek to request to communicate with me online or via email. FUCK FACE! I am totally not interested. But if he wants, he is more than welcomed to fly over. The most polite thing I can do for him is to eat a meal and teach him a lesson. I dont even wanna talk to him over the phone. SO GROSS!!!

I seriously dont need a husband now. I dont need a rich man either. Definitely not an ugly one. The only reason why I would marry someone would be I want beautiful kids. Surely he is not even in the list.

I cant swallow the fact that my mom actually patiently tried to persuade me to consider this fugly. I have never heard my mom talking to me so nicely to me even when I am screaming at the top of my lung at her. This is just so wrong. When I have the time, I have to post his picture up. GOD DAMN GROSS!!

For Buddha sake, give me a break!

Life seems annoying at times and for the moment most of the time.
Strangely I am at my most jovial when I am at work.
I enjoyed working at bugis outlet and I definietly enjoy the great company of my colleagues.

I feel so frustrated with myself cos it seems like it that whatever I do it is never good enough.
I am sick and tired of accommodating people in my life.
That probably explains why I do not wish to add more people to the list of those I give a darn about.
Perhap subconsciously that might explain my phenomenon of commitment forbia.

As much as I hate to admit it, I really dislike meeting people expectation.
It feels suffocating to live up to people's expectation or trying to accommodate their expectation.
Worse still it is those unspoken one.
Gosh! I dont have a crystal ball to god damn guess what's on your darn mind.

It is tiring enough to have my parents irking on me.
I seriously dont need someone who add such shit load to my life.
You think I dont have enough worry in my life?
GIVE ME A BREAK!

Little things in life really makes me very happy.
Just like the unexpected phonecall I received from B2 tonight.
It was funny & annoying cos I couldnt recognise his voice so I hang up on him.
To think that I was stupid enuf to dial back the no.

I was pretty busy working & the phone kept ringing so I decided to pick up cos it was a strange no.
Nonetheless, I am over the top that he called.
You really made my day!!

Only then I realize how much I miss my super annoying best friend.
BUT i never regret that I didn't "appreciate" his presence when he was still around here. HAH!

It is just nice to hear his stupid annoying laughter again.
It just felt so right and to know somewhere out there life wont be peaceful cos he is still sticking around. Hahaha....
It is such simple things in life like a phone call from a far away friend that you badly miss that makes life seem so easy to bear sometimes.