My self-denying dad still thinks he is damn smart.
He is up to no good I am very sure.
He suddenly comes up with this new rule that all are to attend his birthday celebration this year.
If he wants ALL attendance I dont really understand why the attention on ME.
That portrays loophole.
I know he is using this as an excuse to force me to go back to meet that daRn bald 33 years man with a belly.
Disgusting thought!
To think my parents are resorting to such underhand method. Lowly!
My mom has been advertising & advertising.
How can u guaranteed someone's upright and doting on gf character just on A very superficial encounter.
& I cant believe they are pushing for him when his dad is an arrogant bastard.
Typical chinese old man who thinks he is the richest man on earth so he doesnt have to give a shit about anyone.
I am extremely ashamed of my parents desperation.
I am also disappointed in them for having so no faith that I can find a man on my own ability.
Ok! Maybe they are entitled to their worries since I aint proving much in these aspect.
Whatever!
Monday, November 19, 2007
Money aint everything? I doubt it
A close of friend of mine exclaimed that I am materialistic.
Maybe I have become more pragmatic these days.
Entering into the adult world has further irk on my already cynical mindset.
Money has never been a serious issue for me.
Worse come to worse was how to laid my hand on my favourite handbag or which handbag.
Somehow recently thoughts of being self-sustainable financially hit me real hard.
Thats when it dawn on me that I need a job that is well paid.
Ok! Maybe the financial sector that draw above 3K still doesnt appeal to me.
So I shall said fairly paid, not like the daRn Apex Pal which is underpaying me. BASKET!
I cant even afford my own set of daRn skin care products! Argh!
Beside the point, I realize that I cant possibly rely on my dad forever.
Given my pride and arrogance, it is hard to swallow for me to ask for my dad for money.
Then I realize I have graduated and grown up enough to support myself.
In fact, I have to start supporting myself.
My dad probably retires in 7 years.
By that time my bro barely finishing A Level.
Even if im not considering the fact that I have to be responsible for my siblings and my parents.
There will come a time when I have to settle down and start a family.
YES! I will get married! If not I still want my own children.
So all these mean money.
Of course ideal senario will be if I hitch on a handsome rich husband who dotes on me very much.
Then nothing to worry about.
Often love is blind. Whatever the case is, it is not about the money but the person involved that I am in love with.
I have to contribute somehow to the family planning.
House, car, bills, my fine dining expenses etc
Even if all these have been covered by my husband, I still need to be independent financially to finance my own shopping spree. The freedom to shop without having to look at anyone's face colour.
All these spells MONEY MONEY MONEY
Born with no notion of savings, I am really stuck in this cycle.
and the thought of future just scare me.
It adds on to the forbia of why I have extreme reaction to marriage or commitment. Geez!
Bottom line, as you grow old, you just start to become real materialistic, esp in sg.
Everything spells MONEY.
Now, it finally dawn on me that I need a high paying job.
PS. B2! Stop recommending me to pimp myself. BASKET!
Maybe I have become more pragmatic these days.
Entering into the adult world has further irk on my already cynical mindset.
Money has never been a serious issue for me.
Worse come to worse was how to laid my hand on my favourite handbag or which handbag.
Somehow recently thoughts of being self-sustainable financially hit me real hard.
Thats when it dawn on me that I need a job that is well paid.
Ok! Maybe the financial sector that draw above 3K still doesnt appeal to me.
So I shall said fairly paid, not like the daRn Apex Pal which is underpaying me. BASKET!
I cant even afford my own set of daRn skin care products! Argh!
Beside the point, I realize that I cant possibly rely on my dad forever.
Given my pride and arrogance, it is hard to swallow for me to ask for my dad for money.
Then I realize I have graduated and grown up enough to support myself.
In fact, I have to start supporting myself.
My dad probably retires in 7 years.
By that time my bro barely finishing A Level.
Even if im not considering the fact that I have to be responsible for my siblings and my parents.
There will come a time when I have to settle down and start a family.
YES! I will get married! If not I still want my own children.
So all these mean money.
Of course ideal senario will be if I hitch on a handsome rich husband who dotes on me very much.
Then nothing to worry about.
Often love is blind. Whatever the case is, it is not about the money but the person involved that I am in love with.
I have to contribute somehow to the family planning.
House, car, bills, my fine dining expenses etc
Even if all these have been covered by my husband, I still need to be independent financially to finance my own shopping spree. The freedom to shop without having to look at anyone's face colour.
All these spells MONEY MONEY MONEY
Born with no notion of savings, I am really stuck in this cycle.
and the thought of future just scare me.
It adds on to the forbia of why I have extreme reaction to marriage or commitment. Geez!
Bottom line, as you grow old, you just start to become real materialistic, esp in sg.
Everything spells MONEY.
Now, it finally dawn on me that I need a high paying job.
PS. B2! Stop recommending me to pimp myself. BASKET!
Life is getting draggy nowadays. Even though routine life ensures security, but it does breed boredom.
Life aint exciting at all nor much to look forward to except the end of a work day.
I am in the mood for holidays now and have no desire to work or whatsoever.
Even though I will be flying off to Siem Reap for a short break on 29 Nov, I am not really looking forward to it.
The anxiety and excitment have somehow been overwhelmed by the fear that it might not be a pleasant trip.
Reflecting back, I realize I have very min level of trust in others.
Maybe it is connected to the notion that I know I am independent enough to settle anything on my own.
Ended up, giving others no chance to do things their way but instead insist on my own way.
When people dont take what I say seriously, I get real irritated and exasperated trying to tell them what to do.
That's me. Demanding and unreasonable. Always thinking im right.
Hard to rely on him when he doesnt seem to lift much effort to plan for OUR holidays.
Even though I hate planning for things, I dont wanna screw it up either.
So ended up, reluctantly I start planning cos it is my only holidays of the year.
I know you hate to plan too. But I guess sometimes you just have to give and take and show some effort you care.
Without such hints and actions, it is hard to convince myself of your love for me.
I really love holidays.
I have promised myself to work hard to earn more money and go for more holidays in years to come.
Life aint exciting at all nor much to look forward to except the end of a work day.
I am in the mood for holidays now and have no desire to work or whatsoever.
Even though I will be flying off to Siem Reap for a short break on 29 Nov, I am not really looking forward to it.
The anxiety and excitment have somehow been overwhelmed by the fear that it might not be a pleasant trip.
Reflecting back, I realize I have very min level of trust in others.
Maybe it is connected to the notion that I know I am independent enough to settle anything on my own.
Ended up, giving others no chance to do things their way but instead insist on my own way.
When people dont take what I say seriously, I get real irritated and exasperated trying to tell them what to do.
That's me. Demanding and unreasonable. Always thinking im right.
Hard to rely on him when he doesnt seem to lift much effort to plan for OUR holidays.
Even though I hate planning for things, I dont wanna screw it up either.
So ended up, reluctantly I start planning cos it is my only holidays of the year.
I know you hate to plan too. But I guess sometimes you just have to give and take and show some effort you care.
Without such hints and actions, it is hard to convince myself of your love for me.
I really love holidays.
I have promised myself to work hard to earn more money and go for more holidays in years to come.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Best friends are forever - Truth indeed
Woke up this morning, feeling real grouchy.
I just felt real lonely.
Suddenly I am overwhelmed with the massive feel of being alone on my own where all my good friends are overseas.
It dawn on me that I am really missing my 2 best friends Jacey Gray and B2.
I miss them so much, I think I am going crazy.
I am kinda breaking down slowly.
Even though I have portrayed such independence, i came to realization how much emotionally attached I am to my friends.
People I really cant live without.
There was just one night where things didnt really go alright with me & him.
Came home and went online to find B2 who came on msn to say hi.
That instant I miss him so much and somehow the thoughts of knowing there is someone whom I can always count on bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes moral support really is just the presence.
Like how he is somehow always there when I need someone to turn to.
For example, today news! I very much wish I could confide in him.
I would very much wish I could seek comfort in him.
Yet he is too sick to talk to me.
Somehow we always have such hit and misses.
I am not disappointed but rather getting used to.
Guess to start with I wasnt expecting him to be there always to listen to me or give me reassurance whenever I need it.
Rather it has always been my best friend who is around.
It was rather heartwarming to see B2 online the moment I came home.
I rattle on n on about my work.
Though he never help make me feel better, his presence jus make me more settled.
I guess such come with a strong bond between old friends and I am real blessed to have that.
I am glad I always know that good old friends are the one whom u can count on ultimately in your life that grows old with you.
For now I just miss my 2 best friends so so much, I wish I could just give them a long tight hug without saying a word when I first see them when they return home. I think I might cry. cos just the thought of it bring warmth to my eyes.
I just felt real lonely.
Suddenly I am overwhelmed with the massive feel of being alone on my own where all my good friends are overseas.
It dawn on me that I am really missing my 2 best friends Jacey Gray and B2.
I miss them so much, I think I am going crazy.
I am kinda breaking down slowly.
Even though I have portrayed such independence, i came to realization how much emotionally attached I am to my friends.
People I really cant live without.
There was just one night where things didnt really go alright with me & him.
Came home and went online to find B2 who came on msn to say hi.
That instant I miss him so much and somehow the thoughts of knowing there is someone whom I can always count on bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes moral support really is just the presence.
Like how he is somehow always there when I need someone to turn to.
For example, today news! I very much wish I could confide in him.
I would very much wish I could seek comfort in him.
Yet he is too sick to talk to me.
Somehow we always have such hit and misses.
I am not disappointed but rather getting used to.
Guess to start with I wasnt expecting him to be there always to listen to me or give me reassurance whenever I need it.
Rather it has always been my best friend who is around.
It was rather heartwarming to see B2 online the moment I came home.
I rattle on n on about my work.
Though he never help make me feel better, his presence jus make me more settled.
I guess such come with a strong bond between old friends and I am real blessed to have that.
I am glad I always know that good old friends are the one whom u can count on ultimately in your life that grows old with you.
For now I just miss my 2 best friends so so much, I wish I could just give them a long tight hug without saying a word when I first see them when they return home. I think I might cry. cos just the thought of it bring warmth to my eyes.
The First Step
The time has come for me to make my move.
I was just been told this afternoon that I am being transferred out to an outlet from tomorrow onwards which I have to take charge from now on. Well! Many would be happy to hear such news. In simple terms, it is sorta promotion and something all managers work towards with. To have an outlet on their own when they can be the boss. In term of responsiblity, it is a high new level.
Nonetheless, I just dont feel good about it. In fact very heavy hearted when I should be making merry and celebrating instead. I have to admit, the progress has been real fast but im not complaining cos finally i have to take on some real challenge. Yet ironically as much as I am looking forward to this day, I feel apprehensive about it. Probably, I dont really like the outlet I am being in charge of. Been there once. I dont like the layout to start with. I dont really agree the way they do things there and best of all, I dont particularly think their working attitude and culture is great.
Finally time for me to prove my ability and yet it is crazy cos the outlet has been functioning on its own with some great seniors working at that outlet. The staff there has at least been with the company for some 3years to 5 years. So me being a newbie with the company for less than 3months with no prior work experience to this, it is kinda very challenging to manage them and improve things for the better. Yet if i just absorb into their culture and not make any changes then I am not proving my worth nor contributing to the outlet which I am supposed to be there for. Gonna be real crazy challenge and I am kinda stressed over it.
Background on the outlet. It is kinda like a lost child operating on its own world and culture. Probably explains why management decided they need a makeover and someone outside gotta do it. It is the only outlet which is not under an area mgr and report directly to Operation Director. Thats also good cos that means i would have more easy access to the director. Nonetheless, I really HATE the fucker in charge now cos he is so fucking cocky when he is so blardy short and anal. Noone really like him. (God has been fair. His shortie probably make up for he being so anal.) But apparently, he has resigned and will be leaving next week. Thats good news! I cant imagine working with such asshole.
At the back of all the good news, one cant help feel emotional. I just adapted to my old outlets, get along real well with my colleagues and getting real happy working and they have to throw me into an open cold water. BIG SIGH! I am so missing the people at my outlet already. They have been real sweet and nice to me. I know I have people to support me at the back to correct my mistake when i screw things up. There is people to take my shit and teach me the rope. Basically, even people to cheer me up when I am frowning up whipping up some fantastic food or even buying me drinks. I love people who dote on me and treat me like princess. I was a jewel in my old outlet. Now I am gonna turn into a total bitch in the new outlet.
Kaoz! I have to quit acting innocence and take real responsiblity when things screw up which happen all the time. SIGH SIGH SIGH...
I was just been told this afternoon that I am being transferred out to an outlet from tomorrow onwards which I have to take charge from now on. Well! Many would be happy to hear such news. In simple terms, it is sorta promotion and something all managers work towards with. To have an outlet on their own when they can be the boss. In term of responsiblity, it is a high new level.
Nonetheless, I just dont feel good about it. In fact very heavy hearted when I should be making merry and celebrating instead. I have to admit, the progress has been real fast but im not complaining cos finally i have to take on some real challenge. Yet ironically as much as I am looking forward to this day, I feel apprehensive about it. Probably, I dont really like the outlet I am being in charge of. Been there once. I dont like the layout to start with. I dont really agree the way they do things there and best of all, I dont particularly think their working attitude and culture is great.
Finally time for me to prove my ability and yet it is crazy cos the outlet has been functioning on its own with some great seniors working at that outlet. The staff there has at least been with the company for some 3years to 5 years. So me being a newbie with the company for less than 3months with no prior work experience to this, it is kinda very challenging to manage them and improve things for the better. Yet if i just absorb into their culture and not make any changes then I am not proving my worth nor contributing to the outlet which I am supposed to be there for. Gonna be real crazy challenge and I am kinda stressed over it.
Background on the outlet. It is kinda like a lost child operating on its own world and culture. Probably explains why management decided they need a makeover and someone outside gotta do it. It is the only outlet which is not under an area mgr and report directly to Operation Director. Thats also good cos that means i would have more easy access to the director. Nonetheless, I really HATE the fucker in charge now cos he is so fucking cocky when he is so blardy short and anal. Noone really like him. (God has been fair. His shortie probably make up for he being so anal.) But apparently, he has resigned and will be leaving next week. Thats good news! I cant imagine working with such asshole.
At the back of all the good news, one cant help feel emotional. I just adapted to my old outlets, get along real well with my colleagues and getting real happy working and they have to throw me into an open cold water. BIG SIGH! I am so missing the people at my outlet already. They have been real sweet and nice to me. I know I have people to support me at the back to correct my mistake when i screw things up. There is people to take my shit and teach me the rope. Basically, even people to cheer me up when I am frowning up whipping up some fantastic food or even buying me drinks. I love people who dote on me and treat me like princess. I was a jewel in my old outlet. Now I am gonna turn into a total bitch in the new outlet.
Kaoz! I have to quit acting innocence and take real responsiblity when things screw up which happen all the time. SIGH SIGH SIGH...
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Heart Talk
I must have been real silly to embark on a journey that has no faith to start with.
Though it has been a short journey, instead of gaining faith
I have altogether lost hope along the way.
In a relationship that has no faith and hope to speak of
I wonder what our future holds.
What is left of a relationship where faith and hope have been lost?
The only element that is left of - LOVE.
And yet I am always questioning your love.
Cos to you love has always been about telling and telling.
There was hardly any action.
Not even a tinge of trying could be seen hidding.
You claim you have a weary heart.
How about mine?
What could you offer that make me wanna hold on to this relationship anymore?
Though it has been a short journey, instead of gaining faith
I have altogether lost hope along the way.
In a relationship that has no faith and hope to speak of
I wonder what our future holds.
What is left of a relationship where faith and hope have been lost?
The only element that is left of - LOVE.
And yet I am always questioning your love.
Cos to you love has always been about telling and telling.
There was hardly any action.
Not even a tinge of trying could be seen hidding.
You claim you have a weary heart.
How about mine?
What could you offer that make me wanna hold on to this relationship anymore?
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Post 25 years reflection
It is true that happiness is all about how you look at it.
Despite a day I wasn't really looking forward to, there past a mark that increases a year to my life journey on this earth.
Though it was just like any other year with no special celebration, nonetheless there are alot of unexpected blessings.
It was disappointing that I gotta work full shift on my birthday.
However I was moved almost to tears when they celebrated my birthday with a cake and a cake.
It was really heartwarming and a real pleasant surprise when all the staff gathered to sing me birthday song in the outlet in front of the customers. Embarrasing but very sweet gesture.
It was disappointing that many forgot all about me. THE STUPID TRIOs, Kaileng, Huishan and even the STUPID B2!!
However I was really touched I had many international wishes.
Patty from italy called. A call I missed.
Mama from States called.
Of cos THE LOVE OF MY LIFE remembered me!
My LTB girl who is on States exchange msg me.
A few others whom I didnt expect wish me.
It was disappointing too cos my 2007 wishes didn't come true.
None cook me any meal.
I didnt wake up to a perfect breakfast by the beach.
There was no home made, self-cooked cookies, cakes or brownies.
Something I yearn for - a homely celebration!
However, I took solace in the fact that YOU have the thoughts to cook me breakfast but due to unforeseen circumstances, it was not realized.
Nonetheless I am glad at least it was planned. Thanks sweetie!
I felt real pampered when u fetch me from work and go out of your way to buy me late dinner.
At least I felt like a real princess for awhile on my birthday.
You really made my day!
It was disappointing that I didnt even get to reach him on my birthday.
Not even on his hp cos we just have hit and misses.
By the time we have the time to talk, he was exhausted from his long day.
Nonetheless, it was very sweet of him to come by early in the morning to pass me a VASE of calia lilies and a nice handmade poster.
This is how I count my blessing amidst all these disappointment.
Cos life doesnt revolve around me and things will never always go the way you wish to be.
Thanks all for your well wishes.
To those who make effort to remember and wish me, I really appreciate it.
To those who completely forgot about my existence, please go ahead and reflect!! BAH!
Despite a day I wasn't really looking forward to, there past a mark that increases a year to my life journey on this earth.
Though it was just like any other year with no special celebration, nonetheless there are alot of unexpected blessings.
It was disappointing that I gotta work full shift on my birthday.
However I was moved almost to tears when they celebrated my birthday with a cake and a cake.
It was really heartwarming and a real pleasant surprise when all the staff gathered to sing me birthday song in the outlet in front of the customers. Embarrasing but very sweet gesture.
It was disappointing that many forgot all about me. THE STUPID TRIOs, Kaileng, Huishan and even the STUPID B2!!
However I was really touched I had many international wishes.
Patty from italy called. A call I missed.
Mama from States called.
Of cos THE LOVE OF MY LIFE remembered me!
My LTB girl who is on States exchange msg me.
A few others whom I didnt expect wish me.
It was disappointing too cos my 2007 wishes didn't come true.
None cook me any meal.
I didnt wake up to a perfect breakfast by the beach.
There was no home made, self-cooked cookies, cakes or brownies.
Something I yearn for - a homely celebration!
However, I took solace in the fact that YOU have the thoughts to cook me breakfast but due to unforeseen circumstances, it was not realized.
Nonetheless I am glad at least it was planned. Thanks sweetie!
I felt real pampered when u fetch me from work and go out of your way to buy me late dinner.
At least I felt like a real princess for awhile on my birthday.
You really made my day!
It was disappointing that I didnt even get to reach him on my birthday.
Not even on his hp cos we just have hit and misses.
By the time we have the time to talk, he was exhausted from his long day.
Nonetheless, it was very sweet of him to come by early in the morning to pass me a VASE of calia lilies and a nice handmade poster.
This is how I count my blessing amidst all these disappointment.
Cos life doesnt revolve around me and things will never always go the way you wish to be.
Thanks all for your well wishes.
To those who make effort to remember and wish me, I really appreciate it.
To those who completely forgot about my existence, please go ahead and reflect!! BAH!
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