I have to drop this damn bomb!
My parents have officially matchmade me to this disgusting looking, hair-receeding, belly protruding with grossly stained teeth middle age man to me. I felt so disgustingly embarrassed for that guy to have the cheek to even send me his god damn ugly gross photo after looking at mine. I dont know what's fucking wrong with his god damn old mind to even think he is compatible to me in anyway.
Feel free to think I am a bimbo or superficial. It concerns my god damn future and I am that shallow. I cant imagine facing such an ugly person in my life. If he is already looking this gross at the age of 33, I cant imagine how bad it can get when he grows older. EEEKS! I dont even wanna think about it.
Mind you! He is so fucking old. 8 blardy years! So what he is capable and able to provide for me. I dont think I have a problem feeding myself and I dont need a fucking husband to support me. I also dont think that in any blardy way I am less competent than any god damn guy. To think that they have the cheek to tell me that they need a fucking daughter-in-law to run their empire of shopping mall complex. HELLO?! Why dont they just hire a fucking manager? Think you can get free labour? What kind of fucked up reason is that.
I feel ashamed for him that he has the cheek to tell my mom that he has seen so many girl's photo but he was never interested in any until he sees my photo. WTF!! Am i suppossed to feel honoured and flattered? FUCK FACE MAN!! I dont need any guy's interest in me to boast my confidence nor i dont need reassurance from such fugly. How fucked up it is.
To think that my mom actually has the cheek to send me such disgusting looking man's photo to tell me to consider. That is even more disgusting. & all because they have asked fortune teller who said I will confirm marry him and that he will make a god damn good husband? I wanna laugh! Believe a cock fortune teller who has been telling my mom I have a bf since 7 years ago? WHATEVER!!!!!!
I am so blardy annoyed...so damn pissed. So pissed I get so sick. I seriously dont believe nor respect my parents anymore. They are not living on their words. I respected my dad so much cos he used to teach me that I dont have to marry a rich man but must be a hardworking man. Now they choose this fugly cos his family background can match ours? FUCK FACE! I dont think he looks any smarter to maintain or grow wealth of his family when he looks like some cheena piang. A chinese construction worker is what he ressemble. Totally gross out!
Seriously, I am not angry with the fact that they matchmake me. I am willing to consider so long as he is decent looking. I mean so what if this fugly is a graduate from taiwan or america. Probably some insignificant course he attends in some ulu part of US. I am not impressed at all. Maybe he can cheat my stupid parents who think they are damn smart but not me.
GUESS WHAT?! They expect me to return to mym just so he can take a look at me. HELLO?! YOU ARE THE ONE INTERESTED IN ME, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. WHY SHOULD I ACCOMMODATE YOU THE FUGLY. NO WAY!!!! To think that he got the cheek to request to communicate with me online or via email. FUCK FACE! I am totally not interested. But if he wants, he is more than welcomed to fly over. The most polite thing I can do for him is to eat a meal and teach him a lesson. I dont even wanna talk to him over the phone. SO GROSS!!!
I seriously dont need a husband now. I dont need a rich man either. Definitely not an ugly one. The only reason why I would marry someone would be I want beautiful kids. Surely he is not even in the list.
I cant swallow the fact that my mom actually patiently tried to persuade me to consider this fugly. I have never heard my mom talking to me so nicely to me even when I am screaming at the top of my lung at her. This is just so wrong. When I have the time, I have to post his picture up. GOD DAMN GROSS!!
Monday, September 17, 2007
For Buddha sake, give me a break!
Life seems annoying at times and for the moment most of the time.
Strangely I am at my most jovial when I am at work.
I enjoyed working at bugis outlet and I definietly enjoy the great company of my colleagues.
I feel so frustrated with myself cos it seems like it that whatever I do it is never good enough.
I am sick and tired of accommodating people in my life.
That probably explains why I do not wish to add more people to the list of those I give a darn about.
Perhap subconsciously that might explain my phenomenon of commitment forbia.
As much as I hate to admit it, I really dislike meeting people expectation.
It feels suffocating to live up to people's expectation or trying to accommodate their expectation.
Worse still it is those unspoken one.
Gosh! I dont have a crystal ball to god damn guess what's on your darn mind.
It is tiring enough to have my parents irking on me.
I seriously dont need someone who add such shit load to my life.
You think I dont have enough worry in my life?
GIVE ME A BREAK!
Strangely I am at my most jovial when I am at work.
I enjoyed working at bugis outlet and I definietly enjoy the great company of my colleagues.
I feel so frustrated with myself cos it seems like it that whatever I do it is never good enough.
I am sick and tired of accommodating people in my life.
That probably explains why I do not wish to add more people to the list of those I give a darn about.
Perhap subconsciously that might explain my phenomenon of commitment forbia.
As much as I hate to admit it, I really dislike meeting people expectation.
It feels suffocating to live up to people's expectation or trying to accommodate their expectation.
Worse still it is those unspoken one.
Gosh! I dont have a crystal ball to god damn guess what's on your darn mind.
It is tiring enough to have my parents irking on me.
I seriously dont need someone who add such shit load to my life.
You think I dont have enough worry in my life?
GIVE ME A BREAK!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Little things in life really makes me very happy.
Just like the unexpected phonecall I received from B2 tonight.
It was funny & annoying cos I couldnt recognise his voice so I hang up on him.
To think that I was stupid enuf to dial back the no.
I was pretty busy working & the phone kept ringing so I decided to pick up cos it was a strange no.
Nonetheless, I am over the top that he called.
You really made my day!!
Only then I realize how much I miss my super annoying best friend.
BUT i never regret that I didn't "appreciate" his presence when he was still around here. HAH!
It is just nice to hear his stupid annoying laughter again.
It just felt so right and to know somewhere out there life wont be peaceful cos he is still sticking around. Hahaha....
It is such simple things in life like a phone call from a far away friend that you badly miss that makes life seem so easy to bear sometimes.
Just like the unexpected phonecall I received from B2 tonight.
It was funny & annoying cos I couldnt recognise his voice so I hang up on him.
To think that I was stupid enuf to dial back the no.
I was pretty busy working & the phone kept ringing so I decided to pick up cos it was a strange no.
Nonetheless, I am over the top that he called.
You really made my day!!
Only then I realize how much I miss my super annoying best friend.
BUT i never regret that I didn't "appreciate" his presence when he was still around here. HAH!
It is just nice to hear his stupid annoying laughter again.
It just felt so right and to know somewhere out there life wont be peaceful cos he is still sticking around. Hahaha....
It is such simple things in life like a phone call from a far away friend that you badly miss that makes life seem so easy to bear sometimes.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
G-Day Part I
Finally, my beloved photographer is back from her holidaySSS. (I stressed the Ss.) So are my graduation photos. They all went on holidays with her. Now I can put it up here to share how blissful I felt on that faithful day with those who cant grace my photoshoot but yet very important to me people. These are the people who meant the world to me, who dote on me, who love me dearly, who pamper me like a princess. Without them, there would not be such a demanding and unreasonable princess meimei. (Uh huh!! Now im blaming it on my friends for my bad attitude problem. kekeke)
Starting with the trios. My first 3mth JC classmates in ac. Life in 1st 3mth revolved entirely around this bunch of people. We are extremely close to the extent that we browse one another's hp and sms inbox. So we practically know what their gfs sms to them. We also skipped class tghr, watched movie tghr, have gathering at Ter's house. We were inseperable. We were also playing cards at the back of the class while the short chekopek tchr continue teaching F-math in front. It was a short but a fun and unforgettable 3mths. The bond we built is so strong, it stays that way ever since. Even though I may no longer be part of SA2, I am often invited for their gathering. Without me, there is always less laughter and less noise equal to less fun. They practically cant do without me? Agree right? I really love them very much cos of the way they give in to me unconditionally and how they dote on me so dearly throughout all these years. I love how they make me feel so happy giving me all the attention I needed despite the fact that now all of them are happily attached. I guess it is very sweet and lovely how they still make time for me amidst the little time they have for their special someone.
Wanxuan,Terence & Nick (Left to Right)
Dont I look blissful? The Calia Lilies were extremely beautiful and it lasts for a week. Kept me smiling every morning I woke up to see them on my table.
I love the picture below cos it really captures the moment. It was nice how they were catching my cap for me.
My dearest Karen. She is my pri sch fren. You could say she is the first friend I made in sg. I have known her for 13 long years and counting. She is so sweet and demure that you wish you could just keep her in a bottle and place it next to your bed. She is so endearing. She is the only person who share the same abstract idea of romantism as me so usually we spent time doing very romantic things cos we just cant find someone else who could appreciate the same things as us. We usually celebrate our birthday tghr since her birthday is 4 days after mine. We have the same notion of falling in love with the idea of falling in love rather than the person himself. We also vouch that if we stay single, we will spend the rest of our lives tghr in newzealand where we stay in countryside, have a farmland with a house that has chimmney. She will knit for me beside fireplace while I enjoy the afternoon tea overlooking the greenery at an old age.
No need further introdution. This is the ever-so-hot mama, puree. She is my AC fren. We are one of the surviving 3 from the mama club. We used to have this mama club where there were the 5 of us and we were totally absorbed into our own world doing our own things and laughing at our own jokes. One of the most carefree and happiest time of my life giggling at nothing, oggling at Bowl (my major crush) and just doing naughty things like hardly going for class.(sound better than skipping class) We always had the same excuse why we were missing from chinese lesson cos our register were 2,3,4,5,6. Even the tchr knows that if 2 was not around, it meant he had to mark 0 for attendance until register no 6. That needed no questioning. I love puree for how she is living in the world of her own oblivious to whats going around her. In her world, there aint that much evil cos she always tend to see the good side of people. It is also very lovely how she is easily amused. It is nice to make her really happy cos you could be so much happier witnessing her happiness cos of you. I also love the way she always cut my nails during lecture for me. Thats how she take good care of me. Very encouraging indeed. The last month I had with her was simply memorable and I wish we had more of such carefree time like this in near future. Maybe another trip tghr somewhere?
Tess is a girl I know from my Crescent days. That time I was in love with Peter Ho, some Hongkong actor who was pretty hot back then for the movie 真心話. & she happened to look like him. She is 2 years my junior. We also took the same 111 bus to school every morning. She is extremely shy and being mischievous as always, one morning me and my gang of friends just sprung surprise at her at school gate by passing her a letter with a gift. That's how my friendship started. From then on, she loves me so dearly cos I just had to briefly mentioned I had a headache and the next morning I had panadol as a present from her. She is always this thoughtful. Though she never explicitly express her love for me, it is often actions that speak very loud. I also remember how her mom is so in love with me even though I have never once met her. She often asked my friend about my life and how I am doing. Like the year I am having O's, she would ask her about my results & etc. The same thing for my A's. It becomes so weird that I dont dare to call her house anymore cos she will force her daughter to return my call or nag at my fren. So I decided to save my fren trouble.
Here it is my best friend B2. The infamous fella that never fail to drive me to my grave with every single outing or conversation I have with him and yet life feels funny and empty without him around now. Definitely a very weird love-hate relationship we shared. We practically shout at one another instead of talking. I know him cos of LTB (my long service to smu). He was a freshie and I was his teaching assistant. We hated one another first. We had some dispute over minor petty stuff and we stopped talking to one another. That was how it all started. It was the entrance of their bunch of HOPE that add spice and give meaning to my smu life. Memorable and very fulfilling indeed. We went through alot together. His first heartbreak, I remember going around like a mad woman buying all sort of happy food and put it in a nice huge box, wrap it up nicely and give it to him as a present to cheer him up. I rem how we always stay late in old campus and go for improptu dinner or supper after a long tiring day and night of studying. Reflecting back, ironically as much as I hate every conversation I had with him cos he always drive me to exasperation, he was often the first to cross my mind whenever I need to sort out my thoughts or feelings. He is always a phonecall away to meet up extremely late night supper. All he needs is 15min notice. I love how he always makes complicated things seem so easy and simple. I like his weird perspective. I do enjoy his nonsense. I am starting to enjoy shopping with him. (Oh yah! B2, my shoes are fatabulous. Now my feet are no longer painful but my manager just found out my shoes are chocolate colour and not black. So they demanding I buy a new shoes. Dammit?!) He is someone who is capable of making me worry about every single things in his life and all he does is enjoying the sight of how I can be so worried about him. Well done! Even his mom and his family got so 'amused' and so puzzled with how I can get so paranoid with him. Nonetheless, I am missing him every day now that he is gone. I wish he is here to spur me on during such a tough period of my work life. Guess I am so used to having him around that subconsciously I am kinda so emotionally dependant on him. Afterall he has been there always to encourage me and motivating me to keep me going.
Starting with the trios. My first 3mth JC classmates in ac. Life in 1st 3mth revolved entirely around this bunch of people. We are extremely close to the extent that we browse one another's hp and sms inbox. So we practically know what their gfs sms to them. We also skipped class tghr, watched movie tghr, have gathering at Ter's house. We were inseperable. We were also playing cards at the back of the class while the short chekopek tchr continue teaching F-math in front. It was a short but a fun and unforgettable 3mths. The bond we built is so strong, it stays that way ever since. Even though I may no longer be part of SA2, I am often invited for their gathering. Without me, there is always less laughter and less noise equal to less fun. They practically cant do without me? Agree right? I really love them very much cos of the way they give in to me unconditionally and how they dote on me so dearly throughout all these years. I love how they make me feel so happy giving me all the attention I needed despite the fact that now all of them are happily attached. I guess it is very sweet and lovely how they still make time for me amidst the little time they have for their special someone.
Wanxuan,Terence & Nick (Left to Right)
Dont I look blissful? The Calia Lilies were extremely beautiful and it lasts for a week. Kept me smiling every morning I woke up to see them on my table.
I love the picture below cos it really captures the moment. It was nice how they were catching my cap for me.
My dearest Karen. She is my pri sch fren. You could say she is the first friend I made in sg. I have known her for 13 long years and counting. She is so sweet and demure that you wish you could just keep her in a bottle and place it next to your bed. She is so endearing. She is the only person who share the same abstract idea of romantism as me so usually we spent time doing very romantic things cos we just cant find someone else who could appreciate the same things as us. We usually celebrate our birthday tghr since her birthday is 4 days after mine. We have the same notion of falling in love with the idea of falling in love rather than the person himself. We also vouch that if we stay single, we will spend the rest of our lives tghr in newzealand where we stay in countryside, have a farmland with a house that has chimmney. She will knit for me beside fireplace while I enjoy the afternoon tea overlooking the greenery at an old age.
No need further introdution. This is the ever-so-hot mama, puree. She is my AC fren. We are one of the surviving 3 from the mama club. We used to have this mama club where there were the 5 of us and we were totally absorbed into our own world doing our own things and laughing at our own jokes. One of the most carefree and happiest time of my life giggling at nothing, oggling at Bowl (my major crush) and just doing naughty things like hardly going for class.(sound better than skipping class) We always had the same excuse why we were missing from chinese lesson cos our register were 2,3,4,5,6. Even the tchr knows that if 2 was not around, it meant he had to mark 0 for attendance until register no 6. That needed no questioning. I love puree for how she is living in the world of her own oblivious to whats going around her. In her world, there aint that much evil cos she always tend to see the good side of people. It is also very lovely how she is easily amused. It is nice to make her really happy cos you could be so much happier witnessing her happiness cos of you. I also love the way she always cut my nails during lecture for me. Thats how she take good care of me. Very encouraging indeed. The last month I had with her was simply memorable and I wish we had more of such carefree time like this in near future. Maybe another trip tghr somewhere?
Tess is a girl I know from my Crescent days. That time I was in love with Peter Ho, some Hongkong actor who was pretty hot back then for the movie 真心話. & she happened to look like him. She is 2 years my junior. We also took the same 111 bus to school every morning. She is extremely shy and being mischievous as always, one morning me and my gang of friends just sprung surprise at her at school gate by passing her a letter with a gift. That's how my friendship started. From then on, she loves me so dearly cos I just had to briefly mentioned I had a headache and the next morning I had panadol as a present from her. She is always this thoughtful. Though she never explicitly express her love for me, it is often actions that speak very loud. I also remember how her mom is so in love with me even though I have never once met her. She often asked my friend about my life and how I am doing. Like the year I am having O's, she would ask her about my results & etc. The same thing for my A's. It becomes so weird that I dont dare to call her house anymore cos she will force her daughter to return my call or nag at my fren. So I decided to save my fren trouble.
Here it is my best friend B2. The infamous fella that never fail to drive me to my grave with every single outing or conversation I have with him and yet life feels funny and empty without him around now. Definitely a very weird love-hate relationship we shared. We practically shout at one another instead of talking. I know him cos of LTB (my long service to smu). He was a freshie and I was his teaching assistant. We hated one another first. We had some dispute over minor petty stuff and we stopped talking to one another. That was how it all started. It was the entrance of their bunch of HOPE that add spice and give meaning to my smu life. Memorable and very fulfilling indeed. We went through alot together. His first heartbreak, I remember going around like a mad woman buying all sort of happy food and put it in a nice huge box, wrap it up nicely and give it to him as a present to cheer him up. I rem how we always stay late in old campus and go for improptu dinner or supper after a long tiring day and night of studying. Reflecting back, ironically as much as I hate every conversation I had with him cos he always drive me to exasperation, he was often the first to cross my mind whenever I need to sort out my thoughts or feelings. He is always a phonecall away to meet up extremely late night supper. All he needs is 15min notice. I love how he always makes complicated things seem so easy and simple. I like his weird perspective. I do enjoy his nonsense. I am starting to enjoy shopping with him. (Oh yah! B2, my shoes are fatabulous. Now my feet are no longer painful but my manager just found out my shoes are chocolate colour and not black. So they demanding I buy a new shoes. Dammit?!) He is someone who is capable of making me worry about every single things in his life and all he does is enjoying the sight of how I can be so worried about him. Well done! Even his mom and his family got so 'amused' and so puzzled with how I can get so paranoid with him. Nonetheless, I am missing him every day now that he is gone. I wish he is here to spur me on during such a tough period of my work life. Guess I am so used to having him around that subconsciously I am kinda so emotionally dependant on him. Afterall he has been there always to encourage me and motivating me to keep me going.
Karma - what goes around comes around
For the most insignificant person in my life, the infamous B2, I stayed up despite the fatigue from the long day I had, to join facebook just so I can be updated with his travel photo journal since he is so lazy to post them on his blog anymore. That's how insignificant he has been to my life for me to go through such trouble for him all the time like how he never fails to exasperate me to death with his slacking lifestyle and how he is the only one who made me wait blardy patiently for 45min without a slightest tinge of apology.
So I was browsing through and chance upon his facebook. It is never a good idea to look see anything in case u chance upon what u may wish u have never seen. I saw a very happy photo with him and his lovely ex. That moment the feeling of guilt just returned. I am reminded of how horrible I am to come in between them (in a way). The thought of my happy moments were exchanged from someone else's misery irks me real badly. I believe in karma. I believe what goes around comes around.
Even though one may argue he doesnt belong to her anymore but that doesnt mean I am allowed to 'snatch' what is not hers? This is so not right.
If it were not for me, they would have been happily going out.
If it were not for me, they would have been studying in school together till late.
If it were not for me, they would have been going home together everyday.
If it were not for me, she would have been still spending happy times with him.
If it were not for me, she would have been a happier person.
It is so hard for me to overlook all these. People claim love is selfish. But I never believe in it for I believe love is giving.
Afterall I am still not ready.
Afterall I still have no faith in relationship.
I wonder what I am doing is right.
I wonder if I should correct what is not right.
I am just so sick of all these.
Maybe I should just give up.
So I was browsing through and chance upon his facebook. It is never a good idea to look see anything in case u chance upon what u may wish u have never seen. I saw a very happy photo with him and his lovely ex. That moment the feeling of guilt just returned. I am reminded of how horrible I am to come in between them (in a way). The thought of my happy moments were exchanged from someone else's misery irks me real badly. I believe in karma. I believe what goes around comes around.
Even though one may argue he doesnt belong to her anymore but that doesnt mean I am allowed to 'snatch' what is not hers? This is so not right.
If it were not for me, they would have been happily going out.
If it were not for me, they would have been studying in school together till late.
If it were not for me, they would have been going home together everyday.
If it were not for me, she would have been still spending happy times with him.
If it were not for me, she would have been a happier person.
It is so hard for me to overlook all these. People claim love is selfish. But I never believe in it for I believe love is giving.
Afterall I am still not ready.
Afterall I still have no faith in relationship.
I wonder what I am doing is right.
I wonder if I should correct what is not right.
I am just so sick of all these.
Maybe I should just give up.
Monday, September 10, 2007
I am my own pride
Finally I received my pay check today. Although not as fat as many, nonetheless it felt shiok to earn my own money. Time to stock up on my skin care products. Been waiting long.
Work has been progressing very fast for me. In fact too fast that I am feeling the pressure. Kinda proud of myself and finally I can proudly say I start from scratch & that I climb my way up from the bottom. This also proves to my dad of what I am made up of. Even though he thinks I am such a princess and that I would not survive without all his wealth and that I cant take hardship, this prove that I can. To all those out there who think I am so stuck up and my nose sticking up there & that I probably dont know whats being in the dump, I can say been there done that. Whats the big deal?!
I am so proud of myself. I dont think not many people can be in my position. Easy to criticise me but hard to deal with it. Many thanks to everyone who have been real encouraging all these while to keep me going & reminding the reasons why I should not give up. Living the spirit of meimei.
Finally it hit my one month mark at Sakae Sushi & I can now proudly say I have just been promoted to be in managerial position. Shiok feeling! The power of uniform. Finally I am wearing an all black jacket. Feel real good about it cos I earn it. Though I am inviting much gossip about my fast climb in the outlet, I dont really give a damn cos noone can deny my compentency. I am way faster than many and I must say it is a good sign. Hopefully I am back to HQ by my 4th month.
It felt shiok to see my name for once in a different category. Usually in my weekly schedule, my name is underneath the section called "Trainee" right at the bottom of the paper. Then out of a sudden, my name is right below all the senior asst managers but above all the other junior asst managers right on top of the list. That means I am next in line right after all my shi fu who have trained me the entire month. Now I know the entire daily operation at the back of my hand within a month. Fast learner eh? It feels so good to see it on the top of the second tier. The power of hireachy?! Hopefully, I am confirmed soon cos thats when I am gonna bargain my pay. Sneaky!!
Despite all the discouragement from my parents, I am staying strong and believing in myself. This time I dont see it as fighting the battle against my parents but rather it is a challenge pose to myself. I am doing all these to prove to myself. Now I can proudly say I earn it my way right from the bottom. It aint easy at all but I am managing it.
So thats about my update on working life. Like what a friend used to encourage me "Life just gets better" and I believe in it now!
Work has been progressing very fast for me. In fact too fast that I am feeling the pressure. Kinda proud of myself and finally I can proudly say I start from scratch & that I climb my way up from the bottom. This also proves to my dad of what I am made up of. Even though he thinks I am such a princess and that I would not survive without all his wealth and that I cant take hardship, this prove that I can. To all those out there who think I am so stuck up and my nose sticking up there & that I probably dont know whats being in the dump, I can say been there done that. Whats the big deal?!
I am so proud of myself. I dont think not many people can be in my position. Easy to criticise me but hard to deal with it. Many thanks to everyone who have been real encouraging all these while to keep me going & reminding the reasons why I should not give up. Living the spirit of meimei.
Finally it hit my one month mark at Sakae Sushi & I can now proudly say I have just been promoted to be in managerial position. Shiok feeling! The power of uniform. Finally I am wearing an all black jacket. Feel real good about it cos I earn it. Though I am inviting much gossip about my fast climb in the outlet, I dont really give a damn cos noone can deny my compentency. I am way faster than many and I must say it is a good sign. Hopefully I am back to HQ by my 4th month.
It felt shiok to see my name for once in a different category. Usually in my weekly schedule, my name is underneath the section called "Trainee" right at the bottom of the paper. Then out of a sudden, my name is right below all the senior asst managers but above all the other junior asst managers right on top of the list. That means I am next in line right after all my shi fu who have trained me the entire month. Now I know the entire daily operation at the back of my hand within a month. Fast learner eh? It feels so good to see it on the top of the second tier. The power of hireachy?! Hopefully, I am confirmed soon cos thats when I am gonna bargain my pay. Sneaky!!
Despite all the discouragement from my parents, I am staying strong and believing in myself. This time I dont see it as fighting the battle against my parents but rather it is a challenge pose to myself. I am doing all these to prove to myself. Now I can proudly say I earn it my way right from the bottom. It aint easy at all but I am managing it.
So thats about my update on working life. Like what a friend used to encourage me "Life just gets better" and I believe in it now!
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