Reflection, Day 1@work

Today marks my first day at work. It was definitely an emotional roller coaster ride for me the entire day. Really mixed emotion and I am just overwhelmed. Still trying very very hard to struggle within myself. However, for now I could say I survived one day.

I really ended up doing something I wish I dont have to do. I guess it is unavoidable to serve customer when u r in F&B. I felt real sucky and it was real demoralizing. I have to admit it was my pride and my unwillingness to cast aside my own identity to eat the humble pie that really kills me. I have this disgusting thinking like my dad probably richer than Douglus Foo and why do I have to resort to this? I wonder to myself, do I really have to go through such shit? I tell myself why dont I pursue my Masters when my dad is so willing to offer me the money to study? I just cant stand why I have to go through all these shit and that do I necessary have to do it this way.

Then I found out that there are so many management trainee and management associate (MA) even in my outlet itself. It doesnt help that when I found out that another fellow MA (phillipines) has been with the company for 2 years and she is still stuck in the restaurant. I tell myself if I will be to stuck in the outlet for 2 years, I will DIE! All these really kills me.

Then on second thought, I was kinda disgusted with myself. So much talk about wanting to start from scratch and working all the way up. So much talk about walking out of comfort zone. But here i am still stuck in the rich man's daughter's identity. When people said I am good cos of my rich dad and that I cant walk away from my dad's shadow, I am always this fury mad. and yet, what I am doing and feeling, not proving very much to what I am saying. So today I learnt my 1st important lesson. I have learnt to attach the value to the statement "it is easier said than done". I have also realized, I am really an empty shell. So much talk but no action or rather never thought through the details of how to all the BIG statment I made.

When I am feeling really low, it wasn't easy for me to struggle all these within myself while still learning and working at the same time. It was indeed really tough. Seriously, people can say I am a loser. I think I am a loser too. BUT I am not going to just easily admit I am.

Lesson 2: I have learnt to attach the value to the statement "you have to challenge yourself to move forward". That is what I have decided to do. That's how my drive and motivation came about. I have brave the storm. At the age of 20, I have went to court alone on behalf of my dad to face the judge to hear an order. I have done much tougher stuff. & now I think I am a loser just because my pride is working on me? I feel 不甘心 to just give in like this. That is not meimei. So I told myself I have to live with my words and set example if not whatever I am going to say in future is not going to carry weight. I definitely do not want to be disrespected all my life by myself.

So finally, I managed to cast aside my identity. Meimei is a nobody. From there on, the second half of the day was much better. I tell myself to chin up, stand tall and take pride in what I am doing. If I am not proud of my own job, how to expect people to be proud of me. I talked about my mom being disgusting to look down upon decent job and yet I am committing the very own mistake. That is even more disgusting act. So finally, I started smiling ridiculously and do my job well. I wouldnt say I am happy now but definitely felt much better and I am proud of myself to have brave through it.

It was even more encouraging to hear when my assistant manager, Joey (who is my supervisor cum mentor) told me that I have to learn very fast cos she has just been told by the restaurant manager (who pop by) that she has to impart everything she knows fast fast to me cos I am on a fast track unlike the other MAs. I asked her how come then she said apparently, they were informed by the managment. Probably there are thinking of rotating me to other outlet or whatever. Ok! That sound comforting. Even though I have to learn really alot and pick up real fast today beyond I could cope, I am glad to be this way.

So here is the story of my first day at work. I shall not be ambitious to say anything now. I am just going to live through day by day. I will just make sure I live by the motto of just surviving another day doing my best.