Fright is mankind's biggest weakness

About a week ago, my dad gave me a call while he was in China for business trip. As usual, one of those phonecalls where he thought about things and fear of losing me must have crept in. So he started getting paronoid and worried. It is really amazing what fright could do to one's mind. Fear arising from the thought of losing someone under your care all these while. Fear arising from the confidence of your daughter cos for once she stood up firmly on the decision she is going to undertake.

Well! If my dad is coward to hold responsible for my life choices and yet want to manipulate in any way, sorry! I am not gonna let him have his way anymore. He just gotta learn life doesnt revolve around him. No doubt im grateful that he has raised me and groom me to be the way I am now and that I probably owe all I have to him, nevertheless that is not the passport to allowing him to control and manipulate me like a robot without feelings or brain. It doesnt help that all these while I slog away for the family & yet I am always taken for granted. No sign of appreciation is ever extended to me. I am not saying now that my wings are hard so I am gonna fly away. NO! Just that i am gonna take ownership of decision I will undertake. I decide what I think I should do and what I think is best for me. Bottomline, my family is still my number one priority no matter how many doubt it. I dont have to prove to anyone so long as I can answer to my own conscience.

Anyhow, my dad called to ask me when I am starting work and told me not to sign any paper with Apex Pal. Why? Because he wants me to pursue my Masters NOW! He doesnt want me to work. He wants me to further my study. Then he said everything we shall talk it out and settle when he is here for my commencement at the end of the month. SIGH! I thought we have firm up things. Now he has to do this again.I am so sick of this. I think he is the one i need to sign a contract with on things we agreed upon. Well! This time I am not giving in anymore. Since I have already made up my mind, I am so gonna stick with it. You can call me stubborn! That is what I am as long as I have made up my decision, I am gonna be very firm with it. So I told him NO! & i explain to him what is my plan and he can say whatever he wants but I know what I am doing and I know what is best for me. So I am gonna make the decision myself whether or not he is happy with it or like it, he just gotta deal with it. Finally, my dad listened. But I am not sure how many of it will retain in his head after that night conversation.

So he said "Well! I guess you sound like you know what you are doing and sure of it. I am sure that you are more educated than I am now. But i am definitely the one with experience." (Sigh! Men and their ego! EEKS! Die also must never make themselves lose face) Since he wanna talk about experience, win already lo. I will never win him on that. So I give it to him. "Sure Daddy. That explain why I will only be earning $1,800 & you earning $1.8million a month. So I dont deny that." But nonetheless I know what I am doing and I will answer for it my own. So not to worry about me." Actually I know he never worry about me. He worries about himself. I feel it is kinda selfish & he will never admit it. He will slap me if I say that to him. but it is true. Deep down he just worries he will lose me cos he would not know what I am doing or cos he lost the ability to control me. Well! All parents just gotta learn to let go. Your children do grow up & you wouldnt want a useless child depending on you and taking your instruction all d time with no initiative at all.

I am wondering how my weekend in Chennai with my dad alone will turn out. It is gonna be a very long week with no break in between for me. Hopefully, I can stay strong mentally and physically. I have events every night this coming week till Thursday night. Then I go home to pack and leave for Chennai early in d morning. Work throughout the weekend and come back Sunday midnight and reach sg monday morning and I have to head straight to work on Mon. Phew! The thought of it is scary! Wish me luck!